Sunday Night Wrap Up

About 11 years ago, when I was just out of a soul-destroying relationship, I commented to a friend that my goal was to avoid leading a surreal, ironic life. And for the past 11 years, I have been doomed to leading just that. Every good deed gets punished, every good intention gets thwarted, hard work is met with futility and worse [just ask the SEC what they think of my work] ...

And it gets no better as I exit my third long-term relationship [I only count the ones over five years, friends.]

But at least I have my dog. Have I told you about my dog? She's only in all my posts. You'll have to forgive me for that, what else can I write about that isn't depressing? To me - and I don't know if you'll agree with this - but the national mood feels very mid-70s to me ... gas prices, turmoil in the Middle East, lack of confidence in the political leadership with no clear alternative on the horizon, bad pop music with focus on glamour over substance ... are you with me people? Do you want to hear more about my dog?

I've been riding my bike each weekend, about 25 miles ... from Stanton to Long Beach and back. It's weird how I am only interested in riding the route that I used to ride back in the 1980s. I really don't like new things. You can imagine how much I look forward to dating again.

I was at the dog park [sorry, back to the dogs] and a guy was trying to teach his Border Collie to do the Skidboot-type tricks. Take five steps backwards, raise a paw, do a little calculus. I was at some rich fancy-schmancy guy's house a few years ago and he had taught his dog to sit patiently while he propped a biscuit on the dog's nose. Then the dog would sit there, with the biscuit on his nose, and the guy would give a command, and the dog would flip the biscuit into the air and catch it and eat it. Now, if you have that kind of time on your hands, why not teach the dog to give you a blowjob?

I'm not ruling out that the guy had not already done that.

People who know me know that I do not get tired at night. I can stay up all night easily. And yes, I do mean sexually. Just kidding. Maybe. But of course ...

Really, when I was a kid, I would be much like David Sedaris, scrubbing the linoleum floor in my bedroom with Comet, then waxing the floor and rearranging the furniture ... until 3 or 4 in the morning, listening to Larry King or Jim Bohannon ... what's on the menu at Duke Ziebert's? Maybe a nice brisket of beef with a side of kugel. Scrub, scrub, scrub. Larry would talk about Lenny Bruce, Angie Dickinson ... the interview with Little Richard still remains a favorite ... his days as an overnight deejay in Florida ... wax, wax, wax. Those were the days.