What Do You Do When It's All Over?

There is a great little cautionary essay in the Wall Street Journal, called "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior." [Jan. 8, 2011] by Yale Law Professor, Amy Chua from her forthcoming book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother."

The essay, some 30 paragraphs long [and well worth reading], makes the case that Chinese children are raised in a superior way that stresses achievement.  In the Chinese view, children need to achieve. In order to achieve, they need to work. In order to work, they need to be driven. In many cases, the parent must be the driver because children, left to their own devices, will give up.  And parents should enthusiastically and without remorse play the role of driver, even if the child balks or resents being driven.

Chua states:

"Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away."

As if the Western approach is in some manner in conflict with the aims stated as what the Chinese believe.  What Chua is missing is the recognition that children are not fungible. One child may be a tennis prodigy, another a math whiz.  In her essay, she states that Chinese children are only allowed to learn violin or piano, never the ... clarinet?  And why not?  If one wanted to create a culture of enforced sameness, a culture where innovation and creativity were squelched, she has, in my opinion, described the perfect petri dish for incubating such an environment.

Her proscribed approach is primitive and unyielding, the only redemption occurring if the child is or becomes successful. While there may be small victories along the way [her child learning the piano piece], the endgame had better yield a similar victory, otherwise the child's resentment will be justified.  And then what, Professor Chua?