The Best Piece of Writing on the Internet Ever

The following piece was written by Lisa Rea in November of 1997, and I probably first read it in 1998 when I was living in San Francisco. To this day, it is my favorite piece of writing from the Internet. So I will share it now with you all:

So, a couple of weeks ago, I am sitting outside at work, and there is this woman who is eating her lunch nearby. She is also talking to some of her friends. She is talking about pork. She is saying that she buys pork tenderloin sometimes and then she is saying she buys pork chops and breads them and cooks them and makes some mashed potatoes and some pan gravy from the pork. She says "Pork cooks tender. Beef cooks tough." She says, "Pork." She says, "Pork pork pork." Other words jumble together. Pork is loud. Pork is clear. Pork is pork. Pork pork pork. She never stops talking about pork. Pork never pork porking about pork.

Pork pork. Pork. Pork pork pork.

I am wearing my sunglasses. I am mesmerized. I cannot blink. "Pork. Pork. Pork pork."

I am better. I am smarter. I will not talk about Pork. No. I am not that Pork woman. I will not say, "Pork pork. Pork. PORK!" No, I will say, "Feeling love we've never felt! Smelling love we've never PORK. Pork. Pork. Pork."

She is probably talking about something else now. I am talking about pork now. I am listening to people talk about pork, and I am telling other people that I heard someone talk about pork.